


Shared Blood

by whiteleander



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Kidnapping, Kinda, Minor Character Death, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but happy is a strong word tho, it's like I can't even write happy Bucky things, this is all about the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:30:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7429973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteleander/pseuds/whiteleander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last couple of days have been the worst for Bucky Barnes for sure. Since you, his girlfriend were kidnapped, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, and couldn't rest until a mysterious phone call came from an unknown man who prompted Bucky to meet him at one of the places that used to be an old extraction point for the Winter Soldier when he was working for Hydra.</p><p>Hoping that he could eventually save you on his own, Bucky goes to the meeting without telling anyone else, although the rest of the Avengers are quite out of reach as they're either on mission or stay some place low.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shared Blood

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even remember when I wrote this, all I know is that it took a rather long time to post it and come up with a lame title. (Working title was 'angsty ws fic' but I just couldn't post it under that name, haha)
> 
> I feel like I need a person who can properly tag for me, and another who can give titles to my writings, lol, I suck at both.

The last couple of days have been the worst for Bucky Barnes for sure. Since you, his girlfriend were kidnapped, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, and couldn't rest until a mysterious phone call came from an unknown man referring to himself as ‘The Shadow’ and he told him to meet at one of the place that used to be an old extraction point for Bucky back in the Winter Soldier days.

 

Stepping into the building Bucky felt the same nausea he always feels when being reminded of his dirty past, and he knows he was just stupid to come here all alone for real, not notifying The Avengers, not even Steve about your disappearance, Bucky actually starts to feel pretty much helpless as he's studying this stranger.

 

“I'm actually surprised you came here all alone…” He starts, only making Bucky more nervous. The man surely wants something, why can't he just tell it straight without messing with his already broken and fractured mind.

 

“Let's skip small talk and just tell me what you want,” Bucky insists, face stern he's trying to hide how afraid he truly is.

 

“Always straight to the point, like a good soldier…” The man’s freaky smile and words make Bucky uneasy but he tries to remain still. It's your life at stake, he just can't be weak.

 

Bucky expects the man fooling around a little more, but then he actually cuts to the point.

 

“See, James, since the Red Book is lost and I can't access the chair to brainwash you as long as the American government has their dirty little hands on it, we either can do this in the easy way — which is that you obediently do as you're told — or…” He flicks a switch and you're shown on the screens, incarcerated in a cell, scared to hell but still trying to keep yourself together.

 

You just don't want Bucky to see you all terrified and frail. Bucky's looking at you, face stern, fists clenched and cursing himself for he has put you in danger with his pure existence again. He shouldn't have let himself get close to you, he should've known that he just couldn't live a normal life like that.

 

Not when his past always comes back and reminds him of who he is: a bloody assassin.

 

He just doesn't deserve to be happy.

 

“What do you want from me?” Bucky asks. The man shows a smug smile. It doesn't matter how murderously the Winter Soldier is looking at him, he knows that his hands are tide together and he won't kill him. Not until he has his girlfriend.

 

“You had one mission you never finished,” he begins, his words making Bucky frown as he can prolong what's about to come, body tense and screaming inside. “Kill Captain America, and I let the girl live.”

 

Bucky finally looks at you, you can see each other through cameras, only there's no audio so you can't speak but you still know what's going on. This psychopath has enlightened you about his plans and your heart just shatters as you see Bucky so helpless and torn between saving your life and his best friend's.

 

You keep calling for him, shaking your head and Bucky can see you mouthing “No, don't do it…” but he has evaluated every possibilities and outcome and he just knows there's no way out of this than…

 

Bucky lets out a long sigh, lowers his gun that he's been pointing at the man who's just grinning evilly, knowing that he's won.

 

“I want death confirmed in a day, because I'm nice like that, knowing the fact that Steve Rogers is currently on the other side of the country, fighting for the world. Call me when you're finished and we'll talk about your precious lady friend then.”

 

Bucky knows that the man, this ‘Shadow’ wouldn't let you go alive. He's aware that this is probably the last time he can see you for there's no way he could kill Steve, even if it's your life at stake.

 

Bucky also knows that he should raise his head and look at you, see you for the last time but he just doesn't want his last memory of you to be all hopeless and frightened, locked away somewhere. He wants to remember you being happy and smiling at him, he wants to remember you alive and he just cannot look at you like this when you're half dead anyway.

 

Because locked up in that cell, you’re just sentenced to death and there’s no way out, than...

 

So he's cursing himself as he just turns around and walks out of the place, unaware how you're shouting after him, begging him to not do it and just leave you to your fate because your life isn't worth his soul.

  
  


It's actually insane but Bucky wishes the man could have just brainwashed him, it would be easier to be all emotionless and out of his mind to try to kill Steve.

 

They have talked about this, if he'd ever go berserk again, Steve promised he'd stop him, Bucky _made_ him promise, so if Bucky just tries to pretend that he's back in Winter Soldier mode again (God forgive his damned soul for all the people he has to hurt, maintaining that he's gone and he's not Bucky Barnes anymore) Steve will have no other choice than _stopping_ him.

 

He may die but he just knows that Steve will still save you, and Bucky finds comfort in that.

  


“Bucky?” Steve notices the sudden change in his friend's behaviour, eyebrows raised up and looking concerned as Bucky is approaching him.

 

 _Good_ , Bucky thinks, means he can play his part well.

 

He doesn't want to remember all those years when he's been working as an assassin but he just can't forget about it, it's not like a piece of clothing you just take off and throw away, it's like a skin, your own skin, always with you and you just can't get rid off it.

 

Bucky may hate the Winter Soldier but  he still is him after all, it's part of his personality and no matter how much he tries to be just Bucky Barnes, he can't leave the Winter Soldier behind. It's with him most of the time, even on simple days or on missions, his muscle memory doing the part even if it's all unconscious.

 

Like right now, he just leans into the moment, gives in, and goes for it, attacking Steve right away, making the rest of the Avengers frown as they're returning home from the latest mission.

 

“Tell me it's not this shit again…” Tony remarks as he's preparing the safeguard he's made just for such cases but Steve stops him.

 

“No, no interruptions! I can handle this, I can bring him back.”

 

 _Oh, Steve, you punk, I'm still here_ , Bucky muses, a bit disappointed that Steve fails to notice how much Bucky holds himself back, always missing a hit and acting all sloppy and let Steve block almost every single one of his attacks.

 

Bucky can't help though, he has to hit him from time to time since it'd be just suspicious and he knows that The Shadow is watching this somehow. Bucky basically can feel your eyes on him.

 

For a moment as Bucky's thinking of you, he trips a little and falls on the ground, not very Winter Soldier-like, but he stands up as abruptly as he's fallen.

 

“What the—” Stark wonders.

 

“Something's not right,” Natasha begins.

 

Bucky is getting quite pissed with himself seeing Natasha running toward him. Just a look in her eyes and he knows that she knows that something's up. She knows him just too well.

 

He has to stop playing around and act more seriously.

 

Bucky pulls out a gun and points straight at Natasha. Boom, the bullet is rocketing through the air, but it misses Nat, who looks behind herself; Bucky didn't miss actually, the shot was delivered and it was a direct hit at Pepper Potts who's just entered the scenario, all ignorant to what's going on.

 

Thanking his sniper skills, Bucky managed to hit her that it almost looks like she's been shot in the heart but actually it's a harmless wound. It's only bleeding a lot but she'll be fine.

 

If Steve just cannot kill him, Tony Stark will sure do.

 

“No!” Tony cries out, running to Pepper and kneeling down by her side. He doesn't want to move her, fearing that he'd only make the situation worse but FRIDAY is doing it all for him.

 

“Sir, Miss Potts’ wound isn't fatal but I've already called an ambulance. And sir, I've managed to detect someone's broadcasting, it's using satellites and public surveillance cameras to watch you right now. I could trace back to where the broadcast went and what I found there could easily explain the way Mr Barnes is behaving.”

 

And everything is shown on Tony's phone, the way you were captured and when the unknown man was talking to Bucky. Tony can also see live footage of you as you're being…

 

“Holy shit! FRIDAY!”

 

“I've calculated that none of the Avengers or SHIELD or officials could get there in time before…”

 

It's time Tony tested that renewed Iron Man prototype that can get attached on him automatically. It's just a press of a button and his gear is flying to him, building up his armour around him and he's flying to Steve and Bucky in seconds.

 

“Hey, Manchurian Candidate, I suggest you stop playing around and use your mind to find out how to help your girlfriend…” Tony snaps, making Bucky stop hitting Steve.

 

“I don't know what you're talking about.” He's trying so hard, God can tell he's tried so hard to save you, but he knows deep down that it's not true and if you die it's because of him.

 

“He doesn't see this.” Tony begins, catching Bucky's attention.

 

Steve is all “What?!” as Tony is talking to Bucky.

 

“FRIDAY messed around with the broadcast and now he's seeing that you're killing us one by one. Soon you have to phone him and we all go in there. We still can save her if you just stop this dramatic Romeo and Juliette act.”

 

Hope is so tender, so sweet, yet it's the one thing that surely kills a person. Bucky just can't believe that things could eventually work out, it's just too good to be true that his friends realised what's wrong and they help him.

 

Still, hope warms up Bucky Barnes’ soul but deep down he just doubts that he could get to have a happy ending with you.

 

But he just lets go of Steve, and nods silently, still hoping to see you alive one more time before he's obligated to leave for hell.

  
  


“It's all my fault…” Bucky mutters to himself a little later when he's on a Quinjet with Steve, Tony and Natasha. The rest of the crew is either off the radar or on separate missions, Bucky's not sure if this small group of them can win this battle or not. “I should've known better than letting myself close to her and put her into endless danger.”

 

“She's gonna be fine,” Steve is trying to comfort Bucky but deep down he's not that sure about it.

 

“Most of us have our significant other here in danger all the time, so next time it's the turn of yours, I suggest you just tell it straight and not do all this freakshow, even injuring Pepper.” Tony adds, and Bucky is truly surprised that he's just this calm and cool-headed after Pepper’s injury.

 

Because if it had been the other way around, with Tony wounding you, Bucky surely would've just killed Tony in a matter of seconds.

 

“Look, I didn't want to harm her but I didn't know what to do.” He's really awful at apologising, head held down Bucky can't really look Tony in the eye, his voice coarse and low, a new wave of regret tearing his insides.

 

“You should've just told us,” Tony insists. “Instead of pulling this Shakespearean act of trying to get us to kill you so you don't see your love die.”

 

“Yeah, you would've believed me…”

 

“Yes, we would've,” Natasha joins in the conversation for the first time during the flight to the place you're being held. “You should learn to accept by now that you're not alone anymore. We help each other, that's what makes us a _team_.”

 

“Yeah, even if we wanna kill each other sometimes, right, Rogers?” Well, it weren't Tony Stark if he hadn't cracked a joke in serious and difficult times, right?

  


It's all silent for the rest of the journey, when Natasha says “We're here,” Bucky can't help but feel anxious. Something has happened to you, he can _feel_ it in his bones.

 

“This isn't gonna work…”

  
  


“Seems like your boyfriend is failing so I don't have any other choice than using this…” Thick fear gets stuck in your throat as you can see a small syringe in his hand. You crawl to the corner of your cell, all delusional that you could get away from him as he's approaching you with an evil smirk on his face. “This is going to hurt. Very much…”

 

And he was damn right, it's like your every cell starts burning after he's injected that thing into you, you can't help but scream.

 

“Oh wait…” He stands up and looks at the screens in awe, all sceptical and in wonder as now he can see the Winter Soldier killing every single one of his former teammates. “Looks like I've made a mistake injecting the super soldier serum into you too soon, but Barnes can thank me, he'll have you now for eternity.”

  
  


Bucky can't help but feel terrified as he's walking back to the man. That ominous feeling in him still hasn't faded, something happened to you and he's not sure if he can handle what's about to come.

 

“Look at you,” the man's voice sounds, echoing back from the iron walls around. “Isn't it strange that you've not a single wound, not a single scratch?” He marvels, making Bucky flinch inside but he tries to remain calm and pull a poker face. “You really are the perfect killing machine.”

 

“I did what you wanted. Where's she?” His heart speeds up asking about you, sweat dripping down his forehead Bucky rather feels like drowning. Maybe he just won't have the strength and resilience to get to you and save you in time if the situation goes south.

 

The man starts giggling, and his crazy laugh only makes Bucky more nervous.

 

“Right where she was when you left.” He turns the screens on, and Bucky's heart just stops when he sees you curled up in a ball on the floor, your body flinching as you're shifting frantically, throwing yourself around on the ground as the serum rips your insides and twists yourself around and makes a new person out of you. “Only she's more — let's say — _advanced_ now.”

 

And Bucky just loses it in that moment. He just runs to the man, and in seconds, Bucky's beating him up with his metal arm, mind have gone absent he's only wanting revenge. It's his fault that you're being turned to a monster like him, and he has to take his guilt and remorse on someone. And who's a better target than the person who injected that goddamned serum into you?

 

“Buck, stop!” Steve's trying to interrupt and hold Bucky down as he and the others arrive at the place. “We need him alive.”

 

“Look, Barnes,” Tony joins in as Nat’s trying to hack the computer to find your actual location. “I know you're upset but there's a chance we can make her normal again.”

 

“No, there isn't.” The man’s still grinning, all victorious even if he's almost beaten up to death, a few teeth missing and his whole head covered in blood. “It's irreversible. HYDRA didn't stop experimenting with the super soldier serum, and we seem to have succeeded in perfecting the formula.” Then he looks straight at Bucky and continues:

 

“We used your blood since you're the most perfect super soldier HYDRA has ever created. With your blood running through her veins, it's almost like consummating a marriage, don't you think?”

 

And hearing that sick and twisted joke, Bucky’s totally out of his head, all unstable and full of rage, not minding everyone shouting “No” around him, he just grabs the man’s neck and snaps it.

  
  


Finding you wasn't the hard part for Bucky. Facing you as you were screaming, seeing you in pain and all miserable was the real thing for him, with all the helplessness and conscience that kept tearing him inside as he's watching you from a distance, all of you have returned to a secret Avengers hideaway.

 

It was actually Tony's idea to have a secret place for themselves, just in case, and now it seemed just perfect for hiding you from everybody.

 

“What are we gonna do now?” Steve muses, standing at a respectable distance to Bucky, letting him have his moment of processing what just happened.

 

“I don't know,” Tony replies, all defeated. “We can't tell anyone, they'd just want to have her and—”

 

“But how are we gonna keep it a secret, we're not even sure if she can be handled or not. These Winter Soldiers are dangerous, Barnes said so himself,” Sam remarks. He's only returned from a little vacation, and everything seemed to have gone to shit.

 

“You know that I can hear you all?” Bucky's voice sounds quite harsh, nothing more than a distant thunder’s frightening echo but when he turns his head to look at all three of them, Steve actually gets terrified of the look Bucky is giving them, fierce, steel blue eyes cold like winter. “I won't let anybody come close to her.”

 

“Oh boy, you don't need to be like that, we're on the same team.” Tony says.

 

“Are we?” Bucky snaps. His arms crossed over his chest he looks all distressed and furious.

 

“Of course, we are,” Steve takes a step toward Bucky. “We're gonna get through this… Like we always do.”

 

And hearing that coming from Steve, strangely Bucky quits being all defensive and feels a little more at ease. A long sigh leaves his sand-dry throat then he says “I hope you're right, Steve” turning around and watching you transform for the rest of the night.

  
  


A day has passed and you seem to have finished the transformation, lying on your bed in an isolated medical room all peaceful and calm.

 

“So who's going in?” Sam asks, a little inappropriate.

 

“Do we really need to talk about this?” Bucky asks, voice all tired. He hasn't slept for three days since you were kidnapped and transformed into a super soldier like him.

 

“I don't wanna sit and wait until she gets up and feels like crushing my head, so yeah, we kinda need to talk about it right now.” Sam retorts, a little louder than he should've. Little does he know that you can hear them perfectly, just have your eyes closed.

 

“I think it should be, you, Bucky,” Steve starts, making his friend flinch. It's not that Bucky is afraid of you, no. It's just that he feels so much responsible for this that he just doesn't have the guts to look you in the eye. “You know what it's like… I know it's hard for you but I think you're the best person for her right now, and not only because of your relationship.”

 

Steve's right and Bucky knows that. He just has to get his balls back to face you.

  


You hear all this chatter around you but it rather feels like coming from underwater. Crushing Sam’s head? What are they even talking about, you can't even kill a fly.

 

As your senses start coming back, you're feeling rather weird. Every noise, every impulse is just so damn _intensified_ that even the monotonous buzzing of electricity in the lamp above you starts irritating you.

 

As you're more and more conscious you catch yourself being more intense than you used to, mind running fast and wild, all muscles clenched, and suddenly it hits you when you realise that it's _rage_ that you're feeling.

 

You don't know where this sudden violence and madness come from but when you slowly open your eyes and see Bucky standing beside you, towering over you and rather looking hesitant and he just keeps a distance, you can't help but feel warm, salty teardrops coming out of your eyes  all unstoppable.

 

“What happened to me?” Your heartbreaking sobbing eventually stabs Bucky in the heart, and he doesn't know what to do, no matter if he's been through the same and no matter if he knows you so well, he has absolutely no idea how to approach you, how to behave with and around you, and it's just destroying him completely.

 

“You don't remember?”

 

Bucky's so stupid asking this. You just deserve a better boyfriend, a boyfriend who can comfort you, a boyfriend who can help you with anything, assist you through difficulties, and most of all: a boyfriend because of whom you doesn't get to be experimented on.

 

“I don't know, I—” Your voice cracks, you can't even speak. “I remember that I was being kept _there_ , and you were gone and he just…” The memory of being injected with that thing makes your breathing speeding up, you're heaving. “There was a syringe, he injected something in me, and it hurt so, so much, and he said that you should be grateful because now you’ll have me for eternity… Bucky what does that mean?”

 

You're looking at him, still panting and you notice that his eyes all are teary despite his calmness. You realise that he's not calm at all, he's just trying to hide and suppress his feelings but they'll get to come out eventually at some point.

 

“You've been injected with a super soldier serum that was made out of my blood. You're like me now,” he informes you, voice trying to be matter-of-factly but it keeps cracking and he's on the verge of crying, jaw clenching.

 

 _You're like me now_ — is echoing in your head, making your chest twist. Looking back at Bucky, you realise he's just so conflicted. You're like him, means you're like the _Winter Soldier_ , and he hates that part of him — does that mean that he hates you now too?

 

“I'm sorry,” you close your eyes as you can't help but cry hysterically, trying to apologise you don't even know what for.

 

“Why are you sorry, it's my fault…” And just like that, Bucky steps next to you, leaning down and holding your cheeks in his hands, planting millions of small and loving kisses on your face. “I should be the one begging for your forgiveness…” And he's crying too, both of your bodies shaking and trembling.

 

You sit up and hold onto Bucky's arms, trying to find comfort in touching him — the chilly metal arm eventually cooling off some of the heat that is bubbling within you, you keep caressing his left arm, trying to focus on feeling the love of your life close to you, and not thinking about the many ways you could end his life.

 

Will it always be like this from now on? Did HYDRA imprint something in your head? Are you supposed to kill your boyfriend?

 

You slowly start shoving Bucky away, inch by inch, making him confused and shocked.

 

“You shouldn't be around me… I'm dangerous. I should be _killed_ , I don't want to live like this…”

 

“Don't say that, you can get through this like I did.” Sure, Barnes, you can't come up with anything more comforting than your miserable life story?

 

“I don't wanna spend a hundred years til’ I get to that point,” you reply, knowing that your words tear into Bucky, causing quite a lot of damage but it's true, you don't feel as strong as him, no matter if it's his blood in your veins or not, you just doubt you could control yourself like he does.

 

“I was alone but you're not…” His reasoning seems a little unsure though. “You have me, and the rest of the Avengers… We can help.” He's trying to hold your hand and you let him, not because you believe that he could be right but because you're feeling just too weak to resist, and…

 

To be honest, your arms and whole body is just limb, you don't dare to move, fearing that you can hurt Bucky with a single blink of your eye.

 

“We're gonna get through this like we always do,” Bucky finds himself repeating what Steve has said to him, actually starting to believe in it. Your tears are silently falling down on your cheeks, but you still nod, your face buried into Bucky's abdomen. He's caressing your hair, holding you tight and trying to calm you down, and you actually feel soothed…

 

So you dare to move your hands after all, and put them around Bucky's hips, squeezing him gently as you let out a deep sigh, sucking in his familiar scent you eventually feel like things might be okay in the end.

  
  


“So you're teaching me how to use my strength and abilities?” You ask Bucky, quite sceptic. As days have passed your paranoia and anxiety have settled since you just didn't feel stronger at all, maybe the guy was just bluffing or the serum didn't work.

 

“Yeah, come on, come at me,” Bucky smiles at you despite the fact that the last time he was training Winter Soldiers must be quite a painful memory for him.

 

You sigh and take a step forward, lifting your arm up and punching his shoulder. Your hit is so weak that it makes Bucky laugh.

 

“You don't have to hold yourself back, I can take it.”

 

“But I'm afraid…” You resist, lips pouting.

 

“Oh, this will never work…” Tony snaps, watching you all along, he lets down his Iron Man mask and in seconds he's flying toward you and you're in shock…

 

“Tony…” Bucky warns him, totally not on board with the reckless idea, and he's about to jump between you and Stark, fearing that you could only get hurt when—

 

You actually block Tony's attack, and he wasn't really holding himself back, coming at you with full force and in seconds, you're really taking a stand against him, making him say “Now this is interesting…” and when he's trying to “shoot” you with one of his blasters, you just shove him backwards and kick him, causing him to fall back and hit the ground.

 

“I did that or you helped me??” Your jaw is basically dropped to the floor, you can't believe as you're gawking at Stark who can hardly stand up.

 

“No, I didn't do anything,” Bucky smiles widely which makes you all astonished. You thought he hated this new you, but now he seems to quite enjoy it? “I didn't think seeing your ass kicked by my best girl would be this entertaining, Stark.” He giggles as he pulls you in a hug and kisses you.

 

“Let's try it again, I was unfocused,” Tony could never admit that you just beat him up, right? His ego wouldn't let him.

 

You're starting to feel at ease with yourself, maybe having a little super strength can't hurt after all. At least you have the power to protect Bucky now, and that is enough for you now, what's more, it's quite comforting. You can do things now, you can change the world.

 

You can become an Avenger. You can do good on your love's side.

 

So you just let go of all your anxiety, trying to show a sincere smile, and find peace in Bucky's embrace as he's giggling and whirling you around like you were dancing, then he pulls you close again, his arms around you he truly starts believing that you two can find happiness after all.


End file.
